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Moxie Monday: Relationship Boundaries

Every person needs boundaries in their life. We need to figure out what we will and won’t allow in relationships with others. Having boundaries establishes limits for others around us and it creates a healthy lifestyle. It is imperative that we create solid boundaries in our relationships. How are others allowed to treat you? What are some things that you are willing to put up with and what are things that cross the line? If we enter a relationship without boundaries you are likely to be hurt, angered, upset and trampled. The other person may not even mean to be destructive towards you but it tends to happen when one person has no set boundaries.

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Speaking as someone that has been divorced and understands what healthy relationships look like and don’t, it is crucial that you establish good guidelines and rules for your life. I allowed someone to keep me from chasing my dreams. I wanted to go to the academy in southern California for Law Enforcement but they told me I wasn’t allowed to until they were going as well. I looked into going after my Bachelors degree but they said I had to wait until they finished junior college. I started getting into shape and after losing my first ten pounds they told me I looked much better thick and that I shouldn’t lose anymore weight. Keep in mind I was over 200 pounds in my early 20’s. I had a job as an accountant and hundreds of thousands of dollars went through my hands every day. The person I was in a relationship with decided he wanted to take over our finances and within 6 months we had over $10,000 in debt. During this time I remember the only thing we had to eat for two weeks was green beans, kidney beans mixed with some ranch dressing. When I had received a raise at my work it became an argument instead of a congratulations. It wasn’t right to them that I was making more money than they were. Nearly every night after work we would get into arguments about something when I should have said I need time and space when I walk in the door after a long day. I let my dreams dissipate and my future became stagnant because I had no boundaries.

A relationship should be an asset in your life not a hindrance. The people that you surround yourself with need to be encouragers of your dreams and goals. Your dreams and the things that give you passion to wake up each morning should be rooted for and you should have personal boundaries that protect your aspirations. Don’t let others dictate your future. We don’t always know what is going to come but keep an eye out for those red flags that cause a kick in your gut. When something doesn’t feel right you really  need check what is happening. When you allow another person to control an area in your life what is going to stop them from wanting more and more control.

This post is for men and women alike. For people in romantic relationships or just plutonic ones. Women are just as capable of being manipulative and controlling as any man out there. I have known of wives withholding sex from their husbands, spreading lies about their spouse just to get attention and pity, wanting all the control over finances to hold over their spouse. Our relationships should be full of value, trust, encouragement, questions that cause us to think and assess our life choices, relationships that become our greatest resources and not forms of discouragement. Do you have a life filled with beneficial and encouraging relationships that are built upon healthy boundaries? If your answer is no then today is a great day for change and a new start. Most healthy relationships will stay strong through the good and the bad times. The ones that need to be filtered out will quickly reveal themselves when you start to establish your boundaries.

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My dreams have changed and my passions have become more focused on being a business owner, helping people and going on some crazy adventures. It is alright to change your future and to dream bigger. I can’t tell you what a blessing it is to be living out my goals and dreams with someone that respects my boundaries and encourages me. We still disagree on things but in our disagreements we are respectful and understanding. Build up relationships that are healthy with clear boundaries. You will thank yourself in the future for it. Because of the boundaries that I have made for myself  I am happier, healthier and my future is much clearer. People around me know what I will allow and the things that I will call them out for if it oversteps my boundary. My main goal in life other to help others is to live and happy and healthy life. Having clear, concise and wholesome boundaries are part of the first few stepping stones to getting there. Never allow another person to manipulate or abuse you. You are worth more than what they can offer on their best day.

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