Would you want your kid to be dating or married to the exact person you are with? If the answer is no or if there is hesitation, why are you with that very same person?
Be with someone that champions you, someone that supports, encourages and believes in you. You don’t need to go out and find them, live your life the best and fullest way that you can and that person with meet you. When you meet someone this way they are seeing the real you from day one and you are not trying to be someone different just to impress them.
Let someone come into your established life. Find yourself first, then let someone become involved in your life if that makes it better. Holding another person to this standard immediately eliminates the bad apples in the barrel. You will show those around you including your kids or nieces and nephews that you don’t settle for anyone that doesn’t improve your life or support your dreams and aspirations.
I have worked with a few people over the years with their relationships. People stay with someone because it is comfortable, safe or because they don’t realize they have another option. I have seen people that are in highly abusive relationships and they don’t want to make any changes because they don’t have enough self confidence to make a change that not only is healthy for them, it is healthy for their family.
If you are with a controlling and abusive man that slowly keeps you from your dreams, from going out without him, from continuing your education or that keeps you from doing anything without permission from him first, get out now! I am all for working on things and trying to make a relationship work but I know that you should be treated well and with respect at all times. Picture your niece or daughter in the relationship that you are in, what would your advice be to them if they asked you for help? If you would tell them to get out and move on then you should follow your own advice. It is far easier to see issues from a different perspective but when you are living in that bad situation it can be overwhelming to imagine anything better. I was in a relationship that I was put down for getting a raise, for losing over 60lbs, for getting healthy, I was told not to get my Bachelors degree until he had finished his associates degree, I was told not to chase my career path or dreams until after he found his. If you are with someone that puts you last and wants anything less than the best for you, drop them like a hot rock and move on. Mind you, we went to counseling and from day one of our relationship we had talked about breaking up off and on many times. After things were getting worse and worse I found myself and picked up my self respect and moved on.
The same rules apply for men. Women can be equally abusive, manipulative and controlling. Don’t ever settle for a woman that makes you feel inadequate, unsupported or manipulated. Would you want your son or nephew to have the exact same relationship that you are in? Wouldn’t you like to encouraged, loved and trusted? I am sure that if you remove yourself from your relationship and put someone else in it you will be able to clearly see it in a new way. Is it healthy for you, is it making you a better version of yourself, is your home an calm and happy place for you to be? These are all important components to living a good life with someone else.
Please know that any relationship will have ups and downs and no party is solely responsible for peace and happiness in the home. You must both give your all and work to create a relationship that is filled with kindness, respect, understanding and love. If you are day in and day out struggling in your relationship, you have tried things to help, you have tried talking with someone else and it still isn’t working please look at your relationship with someone you deeply care about in your own shoes. What do you think they should? What is healthiest for everyone involved? Do what is right for you and make sure you are living an abundant and fulfilling life. If you are ever afraid for your safety or your children man or woman please get out. If you have ever been abused or threatened please get out. Take care of yourself first and foremost. Never stay in a relationship that isn’t healthy for you or your kids. You staying in a bad relationship only shows your kids what they can be expected to tolerate in their future. Do you want your daughter beat every night by a boyfriend because the thought that was normal since you allowed it? Do you want your son to marry a manipulative woman that twists everything he says and makes him feel stupid for the rest of his life because you allowed that to happen to yourself? Your kids will tend to mimic what they see. What are you showing them in your relationship?